The word got out last week that Jesus Christ would be desecrated at the Key Club in Hollywood, California. I made some calls, and brown nosed my way into a couple of tickets for this momentous occasion. The joy that surged through my body as A.G., my photographer, and I arrived at the venue was unreal. Upon entering, I realized that the damnation of God and all things holy would be through a night of epic Death Metal featuring the likes of Deicide, Belphegor, Blackguard and Neuraxis. Just as good, if not, better than the actual spilling of Christ’s blood!
Unforunately, I got in just as Neuraxis was ending their set. I managed to record their last song, “Left to Devour.” I didn’t watch them long enough to give a proper critique but they sounded okay, nothing too remarkable. I looked around and realized the venue was a lot smaller looking than when I last attended a show there. This meant that the pit was overflowed (resisting a joke about current events) and bodies would be thrown into the areas where the pussies, like me, were standing.
Blackguard was next. I didn’t know what to expect as I had never listened, or paid any attention to them prior to stepping foot into The Key Club. They’re like Alestorm, but bad. Not even corny, funny, not to be taken too serious bad, but, Hitler, $4 a gallon, choreographed headbangs, baby rape bad. Maybe that was too strong a thing to say, but I was annoyed at the lead singer. This douche took time out of singing to throw samplers into the crowd. He even faked some kind of amp malfunction to run off stage and grab the cds. After this he gave pit-goers instructions on a hybrid circle pit/wall of death mash up to do during the last song of their set. Too much to learn when you’ve been getting your head bashed in for 20 minutes and drinking Hollywood priced beers all night if I do say so myself.
Austria’s Belphegor took the stage shortly after, thank Lucifer. They’re another band I never really got into. I heard the name for years, but always passed on them. Thankfully, they ripped my colon through my mouth for being a blasphemer. Or is it because I wasn’t blaspheming enough by not listening to them? Regardless, they were pretty epic that night. I wish I knew the material better so I can give rundowns on the songs. I don’t know what it is about shows like this, but there’s always that asshole that yells something out to bands between songs. This time it came from the balcony in the form of a “FUCK YOU!” to which Helmuth replied with, “Fuck me?! No, fuck youuu!” to hundreds of cheers before closing out their set.
Finally, it was time for Deicide. It appeared that Glen Benton was indeed still alive, and had not yet killed himself. I guess out-living Jesus just means you can sin more, so I support that. I noticed that the majority of people in the crowd either looked like killers or were sexy girls with huge titties popping out of tight corsets. I was privileged to be standing in the section with the titties, even though they were attached to girls who were shaped like Kirk Windstein. Anyway, Decide came on and there was an immediate mess. It was refreshing to see moshing that wasn’t in a circle, or headed by stupid fucks who swing their arms around, and do roundhouse kicks like retards. What part of the game is that? This was a, “I crash into you, you crash into me and together we crash into everyone else while we sing along with the words of Satan” mosh. A few bodies flew in my direction within seconds. Before I knew it, three or four songs had already been played when Glen, complete with custom “CHRIST KILLER” guitar strap, spoke to the crowd. It made me proud that the Devil’s son-in-law gave Los Angeles a shout out for being a bunch of rowdy fucks before jumping into “When Satan Rules this World.” I think all of us felt the love that night. After a couple of new songs, and “Children of the Underworld” the band said farewell and left the stage in a hurry. I thought it was weird that there was no encore. It felt as if there was enough of a pop to get another song in, but people started leaving. It was also a little strange that “Fuck Your God” wasn’t played. Well, I suppose it’s the same as Radiohead no longer playing “Creep” live, or Iron Maiden not playing any of the songs that their fans like.
I believe Deicide is still on tour promoting To Hell With God in the United States, but they’ll be on tour with Belphegor in Europe this Summer.